Time to Get Vulnerable

        Hello Everyone! I just wanted to come on here so I can be vulnerable and open my heart to you. It is 2021 and I absolutely cannot believe it! This is the year that I have looked forward to since middle school! The year that I graduate. The year that I launch on the World Race. BIG LIFE THINGS ARE HAPPENING! But to be completely honest, the beginning of 2021 is not what I have expected it to look like. One thing that I have been struggling with a lot is the fear of missing out. It feels like it has completely consumed my thoughts. A lot of disappointments have come my direction and those disappointments have challenged a lot of what I was so sure about.

        As a senior in high school, you hear these questions a lot: What college are you going to next year? What do you want to do with your life? It’s been hard for me to hear all of the college talk when I have a completely different plan for this upcoming chapter of my life. But, what I have had to learn is that me having a different plan is OKAY. I am okay and I don’t have to worry about being left out because I know that God’s timing is perfect and His plan for me to commit to the World Race is better than any college plan I could have dreamed of.      

        Another thing that I have struggled with this month is not feeling a lot of worth in friendships. This year has looked a lot different and that includes people becoming different as well. I really struggle with seeing these friendships that other people have and just wishing I had that. I’ve tried to start finding my worth more in my relationship with God, which I think is really important. I just started reading a book called “Get Out of Your Head” by Jennie Allen and it has really challenged me! It’s all about how the devil tries to get in our minds to the point of having a downward spiral of toxic thoughts that we feel like we can’t escape from. Well, there is a way we can escape from it and that is taking control of our minds to help find peace. I have started finding peace and joy in the little things like staying at home, enjoying having alone time, and hanging out with my family more often. 

         The last thing I wanted to talk about is a huge disappointment that I have been trying to overcome. I applied to be a counselor for my school retreat. I did not get it and I immediately started doubting myself and wondering WHY I didn’t get it. I felt terrible and just wanted to know what I did wrong. But maybe I didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe God just wants me to focus on something else this semester. One of my world race friends sent me a verse to find comfort in and it is in Psalm 37:5-6. It says “Open up before God, keep nothing back; he’ll do whatever needs to be done: He’ll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at high noon.”(MSG) When I read these words I instantly broke into tears and felt so much more at peace. I realized I should not hold anything back from God because he is the one who loves me the most and knows what is best for me. And if that means I am not a counselor then I have to accept that, even though it hurts. 

          I did not write this blog to complain about my life. But instead I came to be vulnerable and show you that my life is not all put together. 2021 has had a rough start, but it can only get better from here and it has truly been a growing experience for myself. The fear of missing out inside of me is so small compared to who God is, and I’m not going to let it stop me from worshipping God and becoming closer to him. Thank you so much for walking through this journey with me. I am beyond grateful that I get to go on the World Race and I cannot wait to walk alongside all of you and keep you guys updated! 

         Love you guys,

                 Grace